More of a laid back weekend...

This whole week I have been sneezing like crazy. I thought at first I was having an allergic reaction to something but last night my sinuses started hurting and I woke feeling pretty terrible, having a headache and my throat hurting and I was not sure what to do, since I was suppose to be taking a day trip with my friends today. At first I was planning just to go anyway no matter how I was feeling, I didn’t want to lose any opportunity to travel. What would my friends say, what would my family say that I’m not actually taking my opportunities here, so I tried to get up and go but then it took me a really long time just to do the simplest getting ready activities. I started thinking about how I would feel all week and being sick all week, during my tests and during the trips that I actually have to go on. It was so early and I thought that it would probably be better in the long run to try and get better now instead of being kind of sick all week. I think that I logically I made the right choice but I still can’t help feeling overwhelmingly sad about the whole thing. I feel like it could be just a general malaise of being sick and partly because I have no one to confirm that I made the right choice. It seems that every time I have to make a decision that I don’t want to make I always feel like in my head the retribution of everyone around me is much stronger than reality. I can’t give myself a break for being human. A large part of me is unforgiving, even if I did go I’m sure I would have a good time but then I would be mad because I would most likely get sicker.

So this whole weekend was kind of a bust. I spent a lot of it sleeping, studying, reading and just feeling kind of crappy. I did end up going for a walk along the beach after grabbing lunch and I ran into a small open market which was cool. It was an interesting thing to watch and I saw a lot of things being sold there that I wouldn't expect, like bed sheets, socks and underwear. There were some stall that had piles and piles of clothes that women were looking through, shoes, fruits and vegetables, candy and one stand that seemed to be selling nuts and olives. There were also selling jewelery and a lot of the same stuff that I see people trying to sell every day on the beach.

Today I was feeling a little better but now my stomach was bothering me. Whenever I feel physically ill, my emotions seem to follow a similarly negative path. I started feeling a little homesick and like I was not enjoying myself. But I still went to the beach with my friends, and of course they had a marvelous time and met all these crazy people and kept telling stories about how crazy it was. I know I made the right choice, that I would be regretting it all week if I didn't stay home but I always hate it when I miss out on things like that.

So for the rest of the night I am going to be having the exciting task of studying for my two exams in the next two days. Hopefully next time I update I will have better news...